My Personal Thoughts

Being Open & Honest

After much consideration and random get to know you conversations with guys I've realized I need to keep it real with them.

One asked if he could get in line to possibly join the team one day. I tried to convince him that was not the case.....its true there are a few guys who have expressed interest in me but I am just living my life. I am not trying to be tied down to any one person....I am taking time to work on myself.

It's true SOME guys are so full of shit...they think they can talk the game and act as if they are different than the rest in actuality they have been the same, not all but a lot. Its July 12. I did not finish this post until now and I honestly don't know what I was going to express. I have new things though.

More things have changed.

I'm still alone......remaining that way for as long as I can. Another guy got to me as usual. Its always a stupid one to ruin it for others. Hmmm.

Just got back from Detroit...it was GREAT!

This guy I went to elementary school with was trying to catch up with me. We kept missing each other, hmmm oh well I guess. Anyway as a result of a text message conversation with him I have came to the conclusion that I will not TALK TO ANY GUY UNDER THE AGE OF hmmm 25 I guess. Guys my age are incredibly immature and stupid. They are not on my level and I refuse to drop levels in order to carry on conversations with them.

posted by A Rare Commodity @ 6/22/2007 11:19:00 PM 1 comments

Keep Them CLOSED!

I've been thinking about this a little. Thinking is good for me.

Wondering if I am overreacting or if it is normal to feel this way. This post goes back to my original post and my blogger name, weakness4luv. So if your confused reread the first one.

Everyone knows me, I'm a 21 year old college student and I reside in Topeka with my parents. I'm a blessed young woman and I love the Lord with all my heart. I sometimes wonder if I am truly expressing love to Him because I am disobedient at times. It says in his word to not come together with a man until you are his wife. Sexual intercourse is to be between a man and his wife. By the way, I am single and "there are no rings on my fingers." Said that to say I have gone against His word on more than one occasion.
I can live with that.
I have repented of my sins.

Ok so the problem that I am facing....I am getting older, yes its true. One day this cute faced young woman will begin to look her actual age. I am worried about things that do not really matter at the moment. I am worried if my husband will accept me as I am. I am not ashamed of anything I have done in the past but I do regret somethings and wish they had never happened.

It is a known fact that when you lay down with another person you have also slept with everyone they slept with and the people they slept with too. All of that makes me feel unclean. I know I'm not really dirty but the thought of all those people gives me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. One night this guy told me he had slept with 25 people and he was only 18. I could only imagine what it would be by the age 25. I am sure my husband will love me no matter my faults but this has to stop.


I can still hear my moms voice telling me I didn't have to sleep with every guy that likes me. Which I don't of course but the number of people has gotten outta hand. This topic was brought to my attention once I realized that out of all the guys I have shared myself with I may never marry any of them, which means my number will increase. It didn't help when this guy I started talking to asked me if I could count the number of times I have had sex. Should I know that number? Am I suppose to keep tallies?


The best thing about that particular conversation was he asked if I was a virgin? I have not heard that question in a long while! Thanks man :) It really made my day. Said I seemed innocent. I wonder how many people get that vibe from me.

Its June 21 and I am finally publishing this post. Did not have much to add. Just looking for feedback I suppose. Leave a comment.

posted by A Rare Commodity @ 6/08/2007 01:52:00 PM 2 comments

Let's Keep IT Real

The next few posts I submit will be real. I'm gonna put a couple things out there..... my thoughts of what to do about the situation. I hope someone reading this will leave a comment and provide words of advice.

The last few weeks I have been hanging out with a guy friend of mine. We met in middle school. Over all the years I have known him I have not ever been interested in him and anyway possible. Just not for me I guess. Well we got in contact through myspace and exchanged numbers months ago. He would text every now and again to say hey. One day he informed me that we still liked me from school, wow. Anyway he knew I had a man but told me if it didn't work out to consider him because he is a nice guy. That thought flew through my head.

Time passed and I was single. He ended up texting me again about a job opportunity in town. I told him I would pray that we got it because it was a great opportunity and he really wanted to move back home. Well he was hired for the job and had been working for a little while. We went out to play pool one night, it was a lot of fun...catching up and sharing current happenings in our lives. Found out he was extremely interested in this girl from HS that his boy had dated. Why am I saying all this? Hmmm

Well I was single and its nice to catch up with real people so him and I chilled together on a few occasions. He talked about his new love interest and I mentioned mine.
With all this time spent I realized more and more the type of person I wanted to be with. I started to better appreciate what I once had. I sat and watched him eat a couple times and I was completely grossed out. Never thought I could lose my appetite from watching someone else. The way he talks loud as if he is craving attention. That turned me off. I'm too reserved for others to hear my conversation and know exactly what is being discussed. I could go on and go about things about him which made me realize what I did not want in my man. Oh
and to top things off, he brought a grill! GROSS

The other night he came by the house to pick me up and knowing how my parents are I told him to come to the door. Well he came in and introduced himself and I did not know that thing was in his mouth. At least I think it was. We were walking around the store looking for candy and he could hardly talk because of it. I realized how flashy he really was. I don't like guys like that. Its good to have esteem but when you want to be noticed all the time that is a huge turn off, at least for me. But anyway I said all this to say.....please please when your out with a girl, don't put on a show to try to impress her. If she truly likes you then you can be yourself and everything will fall into place.

posted by A Rare Commodity @ 6/08/2007 01:30:00 PM 2 comments

No Thugs Allowed!

I'm getting older. My mind is expanding and my interest in men is becoming clear to me. When I was younger I liked the bad boys....the ones who were always getting in trouble and being sent to the principals office. Now that I have grown a little and matured a lot I've realized that I did not want to waste my time with a loser who was not doing anything with his life.

One of my best friends asked me if I was still good friends with any of my ex boyfriends. My response was no because most of us ended on bad terms.
In a way things have changed, time has passed and my first two boyfriends and I are cool. I try to remain civil since what happened is in the past.

The reason I try not to remain close friends with my exes is because I do not want them to think they have a chance with me again. Once something ends it is usually for the best. No point in trying to make something work when the two people are in different worlds.

For instance let me explain the reason I am not that cool with my "first everything."

We dated in high school of course, ninth grade til twelfth just about. Most people thought we were going to be together. He was a "bad boy" and at that time I liked that. Now I think he is worthless and does not deserve anytime of my day. He alright in high school and now just the thought of him today makes me want to puke!

When he was in a relationship with this chick anytime he seen me he would not speak! We seen each other more than I would have liked since his worthless brother impregnated my friend. He really acted as if he did not know me and we were never an item (his chick already knew the deal.) Anyway now that he is single again he decided to bother me. What is really going on?
Why do guys think that crap works? Well I am here to let you know it does not work for me!

He claims he wants to take me out (he can drive now that he has a car, lol)
Even for a free meal I would not be caught dead ANYWHERE with him. So sad to say because it sounds like I am putting myself on a pedestal. But if you knew this guy then you would agree. He is no longer good enough for me and as long as that is how I feel he will never take me out anywhere!

posted by A Rare Commodity @ 6/05/2007 03:52:00 PM 0 comments