Keep Them CLOSED!
I've been thinking about this a little. Thinking is good for me.Wondering if I am overreacting or if it is normal to feel this way. This post goes back to my original post and my blogger name, weakness4luv. So if your confused reread the first one.
Everyone knows me, I'm a 21 year old college student and I reside in Topeka with my parents. I'm a blessed young woman and I love the Lord with all my heart. I sometimes wonder if I am truly expressing love to Him because I am disobedient at times. It says in his word to not come together with a man until you are his wife. Sexual intercourse is to be between a man and his wife. By the way, I am single and "there are no rings on my fingers." Said that to say I have gone against His word on more than one occasion.
I can live with that.
I have repented of my sins.
Ok so the problem that I am facing....I am getting older, yes its true. One day this cute faced young woman will begin to look her actual age. I am worried about things that do not really matter at the moment. I am worried if my husband will accept me as I am. I am not ashamed of anything I have done in the past but I do regret somethings and wish they had never happened.
It is a known fact that when you lay down with another person you have also slept with everyone they slept with and the people they slept with too. All of that makes me feel unclean. I know I'm not really dirty but the thought of all those people gives me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. One night this guy told me he had slept with 25 people and he was only 18. I could only imagine what it would be by the age 25. I am sure my husband will love me no matter my faults but this has to stop.
I can still hear my moms voice telling me I didn't have to sleep with every guy that likes me. Which I don't of course but the number of people has gotten outta hand. This topic was brought to my attention once I realized that out of all the guys I have shared myself with I may never marry any of them, which means my number will increase. It didn't help when this guy I started talking to asked me if I could count the number of times I have had sex. Should I know that number? Am I suppose to keep tallies?
The best thing about that particular conversation was he asked if I was a virgin? I have not heard that question in a long while! Thanks man :) It really made my day. Said I seemed innocent. I wonder how many people get that vibe from me.
Its June 21 and I am finally publishing this post. Did not have much to add. Just looking for feedback I suppose. Leave a comment.
posted by A Rare Commodity @ 6/08/2007 01:52:00 PM
2 Comments:
This was very interesting. I try to remember my number, but its awkward(because of my childhood) and some other things. You need to smile. If I can, you better.
Reading these old post and reminiscing. I had a lot to say and my writing skills seemed better---they have gotten worst over time. Maybe since I have not had to write for school really or could be my mind is all tech like, short form and finding quickest way to share a thought. Your comment made me smile as the thought of you does as well.
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