Regression
As I said this will not be a "gushy" post. Just something I wanted to elaborate on and reasons for why I do somethings.
Regression....
I am not quite sure why the concept of finishing school and losing weight, for instances are my not main focuses in life. I view life as something quite different at times. Granted I knew all while growing up I was going to attend a four year university, graduate and go to Med school. As time progressed my mind began to regress. Which is rather sad if you ask me. I often miss high school. The excitement of going to class, finishing my work (that I understood) and preparing for the weekend. The usual Friday night football or basketball game and the mall & movies on most Saturdays. Everything was structured. I knew what was coming. NO RESPONSIBILITIES.
Now some of you may assume I do not have any now because I reside with my parents (that's bs) it only further let me recognize that you really do not know me and your making assumptions based on something you think. Which in fact your only making an ass out of yourself.
Anyway back to topic at hand. School.
I used to love school, could not wait for Monday. It was all social for me. Doing school work was no big thing. I completed assignments in no time flat. I enjoyed seeing people, mingling because at home being an only child I did not have those luxuries. I live hundreds of miles away from my family so weekend visits were out of the questions.
Even in HS I spent a great deal of my time away from home......always at friend's houses. That concept is nothing new. I always could say I had a second home.
Home was a place where rules were enforced and rooms were quiet. I was usually home alone which had its perks at moments, but I grew lonely at times.
Basically I am just trying to say sometimes I don't look to the future as mode of getting out the house and establishing my own life, I see it as me, Brandi having to grow up and take care of myself. Live alone either on a different side of town or an entire different state. All my life I have been alone so I am in no rush to get to that point in my life; yet and still I do want to take care of myself and appreciate becoming a self-suffcient adult.
Hopefully as time goes on I will develop that "go getter" attitude so college will become something I've completed in my past. I just hope that time comes soon because I am so sick of school.
My Continuation of the previous post
Hey I'm back just a few days later. I am so excited I finally figured out how to edit my settings so the correct time would show up when I post new blogs!
I know I'm a nerd but anyway I just got off the phone with my favoriest (made up word) cousin in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE: Janal Shonetha!!
She was calling telling me to search for tickets to go shopping in New York before Thanksgiving, I tried to find one but no "good good" priced one came up but I am going to keep trying cuz I wanna go so bad.
I have not been since March 2004, way too long ago...............so if anyone wants to contribute to my New York Fund I accept cash, check, money orders, and all major credit cards!! LOL
H-A H-A I was serious though.
Ok ok back to topic at hand.
Wednesday evening, ok, so, I went to sleep right, Thursday morning while taking my exam I decided it was time to drop that class. I am going from 12 hours to 9. I know its truly sad but I do not understand this statistic course and it drives me insane because I took regular stats over the summer and did well. Now this stupid stats for business majors is kicking my BUTT.
Uhhh college I cannot stand it but I have to finish.
Ha this is not what my blog was suppose to be about but I promise I will get there, hold tight. Ok so I got outta class at 12:15 pm like every Tues/Thurs. I walked to the union wasted my time for an hour chit chatting and went home.
Got a meal along the way thanks FG!!
Well I am at home still sort of upset at my beau because of the evening before and its after twelve and he has not called!!
lol funny I say that because he did call.
It was like two or three, finally I thought. He asked why didn't I call him when I got outta class and why was I at home (I always go to his place after class) so he knew something was up. He asked what was wrong and after explaining my frustration he apologized because he is such a sweetheart, muah.
Alright alright here is my blog:
Weight Lost for me or others??
I have been making an honest attempt to lose weight since April of this year. I tried last year so I could be smaller for my friend's wedding but that didn't work out so well. Those pictures will not be shown!
Anyway I love my body I really do. Only thing I would change are my feet. Here lately I have been on a weight lost escapade of losing at least ten pounds.
My own opinion, I have a bomb body; all the assets that most women have to go under the needle to obtain. Me I was blessed with both, y'all know what I'm talking about. But I have a downside like we all do as human beings, my tummy is too big. Its not out there like those funny looking white girls but it could be flatter. I only wish for my soph. year of HS body again. ha
The problem is as much as I want this body I am content with my presence appearance, well am I truly? I have another weakness besides men. It's food but not just any food, bad food. Pizza and potatoes. Since I am a picky eater I eat what I like too often; my body is starting to reflect that. People I know accept me as I am but some give me criticism about the excess fat. I'm not as active as I was five years ago so my weight has settled in my mid area. I do not like it! I hate it really but I'm not really motivated to change my habits drastically. I have been doing a lot better though and no one acknowledges my hard work. I have not eaten fast food in a couple weeks, which is GREAT, because I used to eat Wendy's and McDonald's every other day religiously. All I am asking is for a little encouragement not a boot in the face. Sometimes people need a little push instead of "you should be ashamed of yourself."
What I ought of be ashamed of is letting someone say something so dishearting to me playing or not. You know what type of person I am and I would never belittle someone to their face its messes up their esteem, thank the Lord I have a momma who tells me how beautiful and gorgeous I am daily!! Could be the reason for my confidence and sometimes "concidenciness" (probably not a word, but u catch my drift) anyway I love myself first and because of health reasons I am going to lose weight plus there are some thing I would like to wear without being conscious of my figure.
Well I think I am done fussing for one day.
Please someone leave me a comment, I would like some sort of feedback!
Mixture of feelings....no title required!!
Man it all started as a normal day, my usual work, tutoring, and hanging with my beau. I thought it would end just the same. Not as exciting as I hoped for. It's been exactly one month and approx. one hour since he told me he was willing to give me the title if that's what I wanted. An unusual anniversary...but I know he's not the mushy type so it was a regular day besides its only been one month, ha.
His response when I said guess what today is....lol the obvious I can't even remember exact words but know it was not that nice but hey I shrugged that off cuz I already know how he is.
After watching a crazy but rather interesting movie about pedophiles, " the woodsman" I told him I was going to lay down since he was playing the game and this particular one freaks me out. So I laid in bed waiting for him to get tired enough to turn the game off and come lie down. It didn't take long, he finally came. He thought I was sleep.
After about ten minutes of laying there I decided it was time to go home, so I got up and headed for the door. Nothing out of the ordinary. I already told him I was not staying all night....I have a test in the morning for my 9:30 AM class. He was not too happy.
I can never seem to understand the frustration he feels, it bothers me that I leave so late in the eve as well but we both know I have to get up early. All I ask is that he understands that.
Good music played as I drove home, "take me as I am"
by Mary J and "It's a thin line between love and hate" author unknown.
Out of hurt and frustration I called the girl who always and I mean always calls me when something or someone is bothering her. My sweet dear best friend, who happened to be in bed. Even though she wakes me out of my deep sleep quite often I only kept her up for a moment. She said she had an early class, shit so do I but apparently I called you cuz I needed someone to talk to. Reason why I feel I have no true friends. Only one I can depend on is my momma!
I can't think of one person I can call in the middle of the night to vent to! She didn't sound interested in my problems anyway, its bad enough she and him do not care for each other, shit which is so crazy cuz they don't know each other.
Anyway he did call when I was on the phone but I chose not to answer because I was upset at what he referred to me as. He tried to justify him not understanding things that I do by saying "I was young." That pissed me off so I really was leaving no bye no nothing. I'm only "young" when its f ing convenient for people around me.
But its 2:30 AM so I am about to hit the bed and rest so I can start over new in the morning......its good to be able to write out my problems.
Oh yea you ask what are my issues...well my blogger name is "weakness4luv" did you think I was kidding? men, sex, and understanding self-worth. Yea thats me all wrapped up in this 5'4'' body of pure lust to a man's eye.
Take it in.........I'm out, one.
More to come I was just too tired to expound.
